my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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