waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
