So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
