He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
