Where did you get a picture of my penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
