hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
