just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You took a bar mat shot.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
