dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
