I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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