the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize