SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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