I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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