did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
