Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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