Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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