I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
