he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
