Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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