I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
