So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
