i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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