im drinking this country out of the recession.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
