Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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