Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
