when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
