I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
