Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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