Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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