Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
