it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
