your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
