hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize