I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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