I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
50% drunk capacity currently
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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