omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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