3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she told me i tasted like america
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
