Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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