Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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