Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
