He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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