I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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