Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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