Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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