How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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