is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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