i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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