After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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