Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
