Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize