Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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