My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
