I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
