Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
