fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
