grandma shit on top of the toilet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
