Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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