my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
