ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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