Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
