so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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