i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
