From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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