And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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